Updated: Jun 18
Contributor Curtis M. Brown II, HNIC Editor-at-large
Earlier this evening, I listened to a podcast from the Breakfast Club recorded about 3 months ago where a rapper by the name of Reason states that “Women should give credit to the men that don’t cheat because; it’s harder for men than women to stay faithful”. As I listened and nodded like a very interested sex therapist that really is just doodling on a piece of paper; it occurred to me that this man is basically saying that we should give men an award, a trophy, an Atta Boy, a pat on the back, and some ass for doing the right thing.
First of all, let me remove the bullshit reality band-aid really quick. It’s not about being too hard to be faithful, it’s a freaking choice. Let me say it louder for the people in the back…IT’S A FREAKING CHOICE! If it’s hard to stay faithful, don’t commit to any relationship. Just live your life honestly for yourself and make sure everyone else is aware of your choice that you may get involve with.
If you just want a fuck buddy with good convo then just say it. Allow us to determine if we want that as well or not. It might sound harsh or too direct and you may even feel bad for how it comes out but, it’s better to say what you mean now then to have feelings so involved later that causes pain when it’s handled incorrectly from the beginning.
Both parties have a right to know where to place their feelings at during that time. If you only enjoy her company and just want to have fun, then just say that in the beginning. There is no need to create some sort of script in your mind of things that you think you know will happen before it happens.
You may be pleasantly surprised to find out that we can feel the same way. Sometimes, women want to have fun without any strings attached, too. Women want honesty not lies. If you are a true adult, then communicating this should not be hard. I don’t care if you are seeing wedding bells in your future with her. If you are also seeing other women in a romantic or sexual way; then you’re not ready to process the hurt you may be responsible for bringing her.
Is it harder for women to cheat comparative to men? Hell naw, to the naw, naw, naw! In fact, it’s much easier. If a woman decides that she is going to cheat or leave, it’s based off of many factors. Sex, communication, activities, hygiene, finance, lack of appreciation, fairness, interest, body type, and “back bone” (AKA “Alpha Male”).
It’s not about sex and conquering, there is a more in-depth reason behind it. Before a woman engages in cheating , she will communicate what the need or want is. Then we wait. We give little nudge’s; and again, we wait.
After pulling out all the stops “aka warnings”; there is nothing else to do but, wait until someone else sense the neglect. Now, it’s a race against time. Is your mate going to finally get the hint or are you about to say bye, bye, bye?
The fact is however, even if all the scenarios present their selves, we may still not cheat. Why? Because, It’s a choice. Some of use think about the consequences of cheating; what if I become pregnant, what if he’s crazy, what if he has a wife/partner that is crazy, what if he has an STD, what if my man finds out? Aww shit! Again, it’s about choice, not strength.
Here are examples of strength in case you need them:
Contemplating buying something on Amazon when you know your broke but, you get paid in 3 days so, why not?
Going to the casino with a set amount cash for gambling, but you still bring your ATM Card.
Gas light came on 30 minutes ago, but you still think you you can make it to the next gas station.
A good bra.
The point is, you may not get a hi-five for doing the right thing in a relationship, but what you’ll both get out of a faithful relationship is better then any fleeting moment of sex. You will build trust, love, friendship, understanding, companionship, and strengthen your bond in ways you may have never imagined. So no you don't deserve an award for being faithful, but your relationship can be a reward for both of you to enjoy, if you choose to be true to the person you say you love.